don't grow up so fast
I hardly got to know you
before you went
and turned yourself into someone new
though everyone that you've become
I've liked a little more
sometimes I miss the little guy
you used to be before
1998 (?)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
word...
If I could choose how to die
it would be this
Silent and cradled
No buzzing, no hum
Only rustled green tree leaves
and oven warm breeze
Clear sky and mind
Clear mind...
2010
it would be this
Silent and cradled
No buzzing, no hum
Only rustled green tree leaves
and oven warm breeze
Clear sky and mind
Clear mind...
2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Back at it in 2010...
Breaks are not mentally good for me, but there was just no way locking myself up in the basement to record over the holidays was gonna fly with the family... I wasn't feelin' so hot for most the break anyway (way too much food and drink), so it all worked out.
Monday though I was back at it and pulling my hair out (there's still a little bit left on my arms). After revisiting the song I was working on prior to the break ("Sweet September"), I decided that I wasn't happy with the sound of the guitars so I re-recorded both of them and I'm glad I did, they came out much better this time around. Next step is to redo the drum track because there is one little kick drum thing in the chorus that is driving me crazy already... so if I let it go I might just have to be institutionalized.
My game plan has been to finish about 4-5 songs I've already recorded and have been OK with... or will be as soon as I fix a few things, then mix them down to the point that they are ready to press. At that point I'll step back and start recording the rest of the stuff. I think that things will start moving along pretty quickly from this point on because I am starting to formulate a plan for how I will accomplish mixing. Mixing is part of the process I dread because I'm not comfortable doing it (and I'm not comfortable with anyone else doing it either)... it is also the final stage and it means when someone listens to a song I can no longer say "I'm gonna fix that part later"... when mixing is finished it's done and that's the way it's gonna be forever and I won't be changing nothing.
It's important to me to get many of the songs I'm working on done because most are older tunes and have kept me from moving on and seriously working on anything new. I have been performing many of these songs for years and it's time for their potential to be realized and put them to bed (at least as far as tweaking them is concerned). Don't get me wrong, I have been doing a lot of writing, but I always feel like I can't concintrate on new stuff until the old stuff is REALLY done and out there.
Finishing this stuff up will also mean I can figure out where I will be going musically in the future. 2009 (and 2008) have been tough years for me, most recently with the passing of my friend and keyboard player Eric Polozune... I really felt that what he did helped me define the sound I had striving for. At one point quite a few times things SEEMED to be coming together, but countless personel changes and false starts really zapped my drive and creativity and left me disgusted with the whole process of collaberating... thankfully Eric would always build me back up and transfer his optimisim to me. I need more people like that in my life.
Moving on I have to be EXTREMELY cautious of who I play with (band wise) because I need to work with people that are like minded and focused on the goal... world wide domination? no... record contract, NO... just a grass roots form of making music and putting it out there... something that will hopefully still get a foot tapping long after I'm dust.
Immortality? Maybe (;-)>
Peace, Bryan
Monday though I was back at it and pulling my hair out (there's still a little bit left on my arms). After revisiting the song I was working on prior to the break ("Sweet September"), I decided that I wasn't happy with the sound of the guitars so I re-recorded both of them and I'm glad I did, they came out much better this time around. Next step is to redo the drum track because there is one little kick drum thing in the chorus that is driving me crazy already... so if I let it go I might just have to be institutionalized.
My game plan has been to finish about 4-5 songs I've already recorded and have been OK with... or will be as soon as I fix a few things, then mix them down to the point that they are ready to press. At that point I'll step back and start recording the rest of the stuff. I think that things will start moving along pretty quickly from this point on because I am starting to formulate a plan for how I will accomplish mixing. Mixing is part of the process I dread because I'm not comfortable doing it (and I'm not comfortable with anyone else doing it either)... it is also the final stage and it means when someone listens to a song I can no longer say "I'm gonna fix that part later"... when mixing is finished it's done and that's the way it's gonna be forever and I won't be changing nothing.
It's important to me to get many of the songs I'm working on done because most are older tunes and have kept me from moving on and seriously working on anything new. I have been performing many of these songs for years and it's time for their potential to be realized and put them to bed (at least as far as tweaking them is concerned). Don't get me wrong, I have been doing a lot of writing, but I always feel like I can't concintrate on new stuff until the old stuff is REALLY done and out there.
Finishing this stuff up will also mean I can figure out where I will be going musically in the future. 2009 (and 2008) have been tough years for me, most recently with the passing of my friend and keyboard player Eric Polozune... I really felt that what he did helped me define the sound I had striving for. At one point quite a few times things SEEMED to be coming together, but countless personel changes and false starts really zapped my drive and creativity and left me disgusted with the whole process of collaberating... thankfully Eric would always build me back up and transfer his optimisim to me. I need more people like that in my life.
Moving on I have to be EXTREMELY cautious of who I play with (band wise) because I need to work with people that are like minded and focused on the goal... world wide domination? no... record contract, NO... just a grass roots form of making music and putting it out there... something that will hopefully still get a foot tapping long after I'm dust.
Immortality? Maybe (;-)>
Peace, Bryan
Monday, January 4, 2010
Resolutions? Count me out!
I have decided there will be no New Year resolutions for me.
The idea that you can spend a full year screwing up only to wipe it all clean in one night doesn't make much sense to me... instead of being the incentive to start over I consider it an excuse wait a year before you decide to make changes. Why can't you do the same thing any day of the year? Why not have a Sunday resolution? Then you could have 52 chances to start over (oh wait... that's "confession").
I have a mile long ongoing list of things I would like to do "better"... "different"... "longer" (I'm workin' on it Kate!), but the reality of my life is that there will always be something that I need to put off in lieu of dealing with a more pressing issue, and I can either choose to accept the reality of it or spend a year beating myself up. There are more than enough things in life to feel bad about (plenty of good things too!), I'd rather feel good about my accomplishments than bad about my shortcomings.
I'm a bit more interested in what will happen with the rest of the world in the coming year... not the big stuff though (that'll happen with or without my help), I'm more interested in little stuff I might miss if (when) it disappears. For instance, I still haven't gotten over the fact that vinyl has virtually disappeared (you know... records?). Don't get me wrong I'm not some audiophile "vinyl was superior" snob... CD's have been far more convenient, but laying on my stomach with a pair of headphones on looking at a giant record sleeve WAS a superior experience.
Now it seems that CD's will probably disappear in the near future and I don't think I care much for the thought purchasing "information". I like something tangible to hold in my hand and appreciate... I like to feel like I've gotten something in return for parting with what little money I have. Digital information does not give me that same warm, fuzzy feeling and never will (and it makes a lousy rolling surface... so I hear). I will just never fall in love, or cherish a data file.
I also have a hard time understanding how something can still cost so much if a company no longer has to: print, package, deliver, etc., an actual product... "click and it's done" doesn't seem to be worth two thirds the cost of a tangible product... does it?
So any resolving I do in the coming year(s) will be on a daily basis and will most likely be in the form of not forgetting little things that have a track record of making me happy. I think I'll start by putting on my headphones and listening to a record.
Peace, Bryan
The idea that you can spend a full year screwing up only to wipe it all clean in one night doesn't make much sense to me... instead of being the incentive to start over I consider it an excuse wait a year before you decide to make changes. Why can't you do the same thing any day of the year? Why not have a Sunday resolution? Then you could have 52 chances to start over (oh wait... that's "confession").
I have a mile long ongoing list of things I would like to do "better"... "different"... "longer" (I'm workin' on it Kate!), but the reality of my life is that there will always be something that I need to put off in lieu of dealing with a more pressing issue, and I can either choose to accept the reality of it or spend a year beating myself up. There are more than enough things in life to feel bad about (plenty of good things too!), I'd rather feel good about my accomplishments than bad about my shortcomings.
I'm a bit more interested in what will happen with the rest of the world in the coming year... not the big stuff though (that'll happen with or without my help), I'm more interested in little stuff I might miss if (when) it disappears. For instance, I still haven't gotten over the fact that vinyl has virtually disappeared (you know... records?). Don't get me wrong I'm not some audiophile "vinyl was superior" snob... CD's have been far more convenient, but laying on my stomach with a pair of headphones on looking at a giant record sleeve WAS a superior experience.
Now it seems that CD's will probably disappear in the near future and I don't think I care much for the thought purchasing "information". I like something tangible to hold in my hand and appreciate... I like to feel like I've gotten something in return for parting with what little money I have. Digital information does not give me that same warm, fuzzy feeling and never will (and it makes a lousy rolling surface... so I hear). I will just never fall in love, or cherish a data file.
I also have a hard time understanding how something can still cost so much if a company no longer has to: print, package, deliver, etc., an actual product... "click and it's done" doesn't seem to be worth two thirds the cost of a tangible product... does it?
So any resolving I do in the coming year(s) will be on a daily basis and will most likely be in the form of not forgetting little things that have a track record of making me happy. I think I'll start by putting on my headphones and listening to a record.
Peace, Bryan
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Recording is a love/hate relationship...
As hard as I try I just don't think I'll ever understand or fall in love with the process of recording... it constantly reminds me of what I don't know.
I have been writing and recording songs since I was 13 and have never REALLY been comfortable with it. Writing seems to come to me in spurts, random and mysterious... and the only thing that I seem to be able to do to help the process along is to have something to record with when the spurt comes... and God help me if my little recorder is out in the car, because then I have to get off my lazy ass and get it... I know it doesn't seem like much of a hassle to do, but believe me that short little walk to the car is more than enough time for me to completely forget whatever brilliant idea I might have thought I had (or morph it into a lousy idea... or even worse turn it into the last Wilco song I listened to).
I don't like NOT being able to repeat a process logically... if the brakes need to be changed on my car I can open my Honda book, follow the directions and I'm done with it... the same with making a cake... hanging a picture... you get the point. I have a library of books on how to: write better songs, write jingles, record on a budget, mic placement, master a great vocal sound, etc., but they all seem to be someone's "opinion". Each one promises a path to follow, but ulitmately ends with "everyone is different, keep trying things until you come up with a sound you like"... what a load of bullshit and I fall for it every time!
Recording to me is the same as writing... except that I know even less about it. To be honest I don't want to learn about the properties of each mic, calculate delay times, cut/paste, trim, edit, bus, patch, blah, blah blah... I just want to hit record, capture the moment and be done with it, but of course it's not that easy and the people that do it well have a talent as skilled as any musician. So why do I bother trying to do it all myself? MONEY and TIME. That's all it all boils down to... I'm too poor to pay someone to do it, and when the spurt comes I don't have time to deal with trying to get someone into my basement studio to capture it. Big bands have the luxury of being able to pay to have someone sitting in a room waiting for them to catch that spark of creativity... I don't.
When I recorded "Eight Hit Wonders!" with the A.M. Band it took me just over 2 years to complete it... that's a long time if you consider that all of the songs were written in about a week or two and Matt, Stuart and I recorded the basic tracks in a couple of nights... the rest of the time was me muddling over the details. My friend Jim Haederle played keys on most of the album, but wanted me to tell him what I wanted him to play... if I knew what I wanted played I would have done it myself! In the end I gave him my rough ideas and he cleaned them up.
Everything done after that was an excruciating process of trying to find a quiet place to record my finished vocals, solos, harmonies while thumbing through a manual trying to figure out how to make my recorder do what I wanted it to (all this wound up being done in a little space above my landlord's garage... the ceiling was so low I did the vocals sitting down or crouched). Some people have the patience and enjoy that part of the "making music" process... I don't.
I must say though that I take great pride when something comes out the way I envisioned it (i.e. "C'mon, C'mon Sunshine" or "Here Comes Melanie"), while at the same time fuming because I can't figure out why other tunes didn't come as good (I won't point those out, you decide for yourself).
Well now I'm back recording again and remembering why it took so long to complete the A.M. project. I have never really stopped recording, but I haven't really been completing things because it brings me back to that mixing stage that involves coming up with all the little details that make a recording "finished". The difference this time is that I am doing all it alone, recording, playing all the instruments, singing all the parts... not because I want to necessarily, but mostly because I'm not good at waiting... and my attempts to collaborate over the past 3 years has mostly meant a lot of waiting. In light of recent events I have made a conscious decision not to wait anymore... time is too precious.
My game plan this time is to sort through what I have started to record and weed out what has potential... I have quite a bit of material on tape (OK hard drive) that sounds great and other stuff that I could spend a year trying to fix, but never salvage. If I don't hear the potential I'll scrap it and re-record.
My other recording goof up has been trying to record a whole album at one time... do all the basic tracks, then all the solos, all the vocals, and so on. The idea has been that it would give me a cohesive sound through all the songs... it sounds practical, but it doesn't work for me. The new plan is to finish a song THEN move on... the "moving on" part being my incentive to complete individual songs. So far it has been working.
Currently I am moving along at a pretty good pace... a lot of my time has been spent trying to come up with ways to make stuff work that I've already recorded... stuff that has something to it that I don't think I'd be able to recapture if I tried to record it again. Those songs contain things I consider "happy mistakes"... they are the little things I didn't plan and would never have purposely thought of doing, but somehow stumbled onto. Oh how I live for the happy mistakes!
There is a quote by the late Jay Bennett (formally guitarist/producer of Wilco) "if the overall sound feels right to you, you're gonna fall in love with the little parts of it that are fucked up"... this is my new mantra.
As for this blog... once again I started writing something that was supposed to be a quick little blurb and it turned into a novel (or should I say it started as a "rant" and turned into a "ramble"). Thanks for listening, I knew I could count on you...
Peace, Bryan
I have been writing and recording songs since I was 13 and have never REALLY been comfortable with it. Writing seems to come to me in spurts, random and mysterious... and the only thing that I seem to be able to do to help the process along is to have something to record with when the spurt comes... and God help me if my little recorder is out in the car, because then I have to get off my lazy ass and get it... I know it doesn't seem like much of a hassle to do, but believe me that short little walk to the car is more than enough time for me to completely forget whatever brilliant idea I might have thought I had (or morph it into a lousy idea... or even worse turn it into the last Wilco song I listened to).
I don't like NOT being able to repeat a process logically... if the brakes need to be changed on my car I can open my Honda book, follow the directions and I'm done with it... the same with making a cake... hanging a picture... you get the point. I have a library of books on how to: write better songs, write jingles, record on a budget, mic placement, master a great vocal sound, etc., but they all seem to be someone's "opinion". Each one promises a path to follow, but ulitmately ends with "everyone is different, keep trying things until you come up with a sound you like"... what a load of bullshit and I fall for it every time!
Recording to me is the same as writing... except that I know even less about it. To be honest I don't want to learn about the properties of each mic, calculate delay times, cut/paste, trim, edit, bus, patch, blah, blah blah... I just want to hit record, capture the moment and be done with it, but of course it's not that easy and the people that do it well have a talent as skilled as any musician. So why do I bother trying to do it all myself? MONEY and TIME. That's all it all boils down to... I'm too poor to pay someone to do it, and when the spurt comes I don't have time to deal with trying to get someone into my basement studio to capture it. Big bands have the luxury of being able to pay to have someone sitting in a room waiting for them to catch that spark of creativity... I don't.
When I recorded "Eight Hit Wonders!" with the A.M. Band it took me just over 2 years to complete it... that's a long time if you consider that all of the songs were written in about a week or two and Matt, Stuart and I recorded the basic tracks in a couple of nights... the rest of the time was me muddling over the details. My friend Jim Haederle played keys on most of the album, but wanted me to tell him what I wanted him to play... if I knew what I wanted played I would have done it myself! In the end I gave him my rough ideas and he cleaned them up.
Everything done after that was an excruciating process of trying to find a quiet place to record my finished vocals, solos, harmonies while thumbing through a manual trying to figure out how to make my recorder do what I wanted it to (all this wound up being done in a little space above my landlord's garage... the ceiling was so low I did the vocals sitting down or crouched). Some people have the patience and enjoy that part of the "making music" process... I don't.
I must say though that I take great pride when something comes out the way I envisioned it (i.e. "C'mon, C'mon Sunshine" or "Here Comes Melanie"), while at the same time fuming because I can't figure out why other tunes didn't come as good (I won't point those out, you decide for yourself).
Well now I'm back recording again and remembering why it took so long to complete the A.M. project. I have never really stopped recording, but I haven't really been completing things because it brings me back to that mixing stage that involves coming up with all the little details that make a recording "finished". The difference this time is that I am doing all it alone, recording, playing all the instruments, singing all the parts... not because I want to necessarily, but mostly because I'm not good at waiting... and my attempts to collaborate over the past 3 years has mostly meant a lot of waiting. In light of recent events I have made a conscious decision not to wait anymore... time is too precious.
My game plan this time is to sort through what I have started to record and weed out what has potential... I have quite a bit of material on tape (OK hard drive) that sounds great and other stuff that I could spend a year trying to fix, but never salvage. If I don't hear the potential I'll scrap it and re-record.
My other recording goof up has been trying to record a whole album at one time... do all the basic tracks, then all the solos, all the vocals, and so on. The idea has been that it would give me a cohesive sound through all the songs... it sounds practical, but it doesn't work for me. The new plan is to finish a song THEN move on... the "moving on" part being my incentive to complete individual songs. So far it has been working.
Currently I am moving along at a pretty good pace... a lot of my time has been spent trying to come up with ways to make stuff work that I've already recorded... stuff that has something to it that I don't think I'd be able to recapture if I tried to record it again. Those songs contain things I consider "happy mistakes"... they are the little things I didn't plan and would never have purposely thought of doing, but somehow stumbled onto. Oh how I live for the happy mistakes!
There is a quote by the late Jay Bennett (formally guitarist/producer of Wilco) "if the overall sound feels right to you, you're gonna fall in love with the little parts of it that are fucked up"... this is my new mantra.
As for this blog... once again I started writing something that was supposed to be a quick little blurb and it turned into a novel (or should I say it started as a "rant" and turned into a "ramble"). Thanks for listening, I knew I could count on you...
Peace, Bryan
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Renewed energy and direction
I'm feeling pretty good today, for the first time in a couple of weeks...
I have been in semi-limbo for quite a while musically... always doing something, but never quite getting it off the ground. It's been frustrating, especially when I know that in the end I'm pretty much the only one responsable for my eractic pace. More often than not projects grind to a halt based on some outside force I've had little or no control over, but I'm responsable for it because in many cases the problems should have been predicted and I made concious choices ingore warning signs (insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result).
With the passing of my friend and bandmate Eric Polozune in late November once again I lost out on an opportunity... as often as we discussed getting together and having him lay down organ tracks on some of my songs, we kept putting it off for one reason or another. Some of the reasons were valid... Eric had health issues and I had band issues to deal with that kept me in a funk. There is always something else that has to be done and you can always make a good excuse for not getting off your ass and doing the work... of course when the smoke clears you might find that you put something on the backburner one time too many times and your opportunity is gone for good.
Musicians need to be heard... why else would we put up with all the crap? What Eric added to my songs should have been heard... we should have gigged more... I wish we had gotten him recorded and he had the chance to hear himself on those songs. Since that won't be happening it seems to me the next best thing is to get his spirit into the mix... Luckily I have some live recordings of him playing so I've got a pretty good idea of what he MIGHT have played for a particular part. So with a newfound sense of urgency and a desire to not let another opportunity slip away I have been spending some long evenings in my studio working on a lot of unfinished recordings... and actually extremely happy with the results so far. I won't go into to it any further than that at this point because my projects tend to grind to a halt immediately after I announce my intentions to the world... so let's be clear, I ain't announcing nothin'... we're just talking here (;-)>
I guess at this point in my life the need to be heard is the only reason I still write and record songs. It's not like I'm looking for a record contract or anything like that, those days are long gone... but the thought that a song I wrote/recorded might be floating around years after I'm gone and someone might actually like it keeps me going.
So as the title of this post says I'm moving forward with "renewed energy and direction"... stay tuned to see if it works!
Peace, Bryan
I have been in semi-limbo for quite a while musically... always doing something, but never quite getting it off the ground. It's been frustrating, especially when I know that in the end I'm pretty much the only one responsable for my eractic pace. More often than not projects grind to a halt based on some outside force I've had little or no control over, but I'm responsable for it because in many cases the problems should have been predicted and I made concious choices ingore warning signs (insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result).
With the passing of my friend and bandmate Eric Polozune in late November once again I lost out on an opportunity... as often as we discussed getting together and having him lay down organ tracks on some of my songs, we kept putting it off for one reason or another. Some of the reasons were valid... Eric had health issues and I had band issues to deal with that kept me in a funk. There is always something else that has to be done and you can always make a good excuse for not getting off your ass and doing the work... of course when the smoke clears you might find that you put something on the backburner one time too many times and your opportunity is gone for good.
Musicians need to be heard... why else would we put up with all the crap? What Eric added to my songs should have been heard... we should have gigged more... I wish we had gotten him recorded and he had the chance to hear himself on those songs. Since that won't be happening it seems to me the next best thing is to get his spirit into the mix... Luckily I have some live recordings of him playing so I've got a pretty good idea of what he MIGHT have played for a particular part. So with a newfound sense of urgency and a desire to not let another opportunity slip away I have been spending some long evenings in my studio working on a lot of unfinished recordings... and actually extremely happy with the results so far. I won't go into to it any further than that at this point because my projects tend to grind to a halt immediately after I announce my intentions to the world... so let's be clear, I ain't announcing nothin'... we're just talking here (;-)>
I guess at this point in my life the need to be heard is the only reason I still write and record songs. It's not like I'm looking for a record contract or anything like that, those days are long gone... but the thought that a song I wrote/recorded might be floating around years after I'm gone and someone might actually like it keeps me going.
So as the title of this post says I'm moving forward with "renewed energy and direction"... stay tuned to see if it works!
Peace, Bryan
Sunday, November 29, 2009
is devestated...
I just found out that very good friend of mine passed away last night. I met Eric Polozune about 2 years ago when he answered an ad I posted for a keyboard player. From the start he was one of the most helpful, humble, and positive people I have ever met. Since we first met Eric had been battling muliple health issues, but never let it slow him down or dampen his spirit, drive or determination to make music. His beautiful playing (mostly B3 organ) perfectly lent itself to my original music and he and I had been speaking regularly and anxiously looking forward to getting together in the coming weeks to play.
Eric can be heard playing on one of my songs "Out With The Tide" on my MySpace page http://www.myspace.com/bryangordon. I will be going through my archives and posting more in the next few days, but until then take a moment to listen and remember a fine musician and my good friend. Safe trip Eric.
I just found out that very good friend of mine passed away last night. I met Eric Polozune about 2 years ago when he answered an ad I posted for a keyboard player. From the start he was one of the most helpful, humble, and positive people I have ever met. Since we first met Eric had been battling muliple health issues, but never let it slow him down or dampen his spirit, drive or determination to make music. His beautiful playing (mostly B3 organ) perfectly lent itself to my original music and he and I had been speaking regularly and anxiously looking forward to getting together in the coming weeks to play.
Eric can be heard playing on one of my songs "Out With The Tide" on my MySpace page http://www.myspace.com/bryangordon. I will be going through my archives and posting more in the next few days, but until then take a moment to listen and remember a fine musician and my good friend. Safe trip Eric.
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